The Human Loading Screen
Try watching a streaming video off of youtube.com or google video with highspeed. It has a decent speed to it, buffering is few and far between.
Now try to watch that same video with a dialup modem. Not so much fun now is it? Welcome to any college oral report.
It is a fact. The most frequent word uttered in an oral presentation is "Uhm." It starts every sentence, it follows every comma, semi colon and colon. To anyone unfamilliar with the english language, they might think that "uhm" was our natural pause in speaking.
What brings this to mind? My current source of strife, my sociology class. With nothing better to do, I took a tally during our 'presentation time.'* On average "uhm" was spoken 87 times in an 10 minute speech. That is nearly 9 times a minute. Far too common.
It seems like 'uhm' is the noise your brain is making as it locates the next bit of whatever you're looking for. Hell, our president might not get all the words right on his speeches, but he does not have latency. Not since we upgraded to Bush 2.0... I hope.
Lets look at the types of Uhm:
Classic - "Uhm" The most frequently used technique. Can be used in any case to lengthen the mind numbing experience. Average net gain of 3 seconds.
The Starting Engine - "Uhm-mum-...-mum-mummm" This has been the least used technique to stall so far. However it is the most effective. You can gain anywhere from 5 to 10 seconds to remember the next bit of filler.
Squaring the Stall - "Uhm Uh" The addition of "Uh" to the classic doubles your time.
The Searchlight - Any of the previous can be employed in this technique, however, you must also fish for confirmation that your presentation is melting the minds of the audience. Look atleast 3 people in the eyes while stalling and you are clear for a good 5 seconds.
Enough kidding around. Why is this so common? Is it a comfort word? Will we all eventually be saying "I uhm you!"?
Uhm, it is very uhm, painful to listen to uhm a speech when every uhm fourth word is uhm. Uhm it isn't as if the uhm milisecond it takes you to uhm say 'uhm' will allow you clairvoance of your speech as it should uhm be.
So uhm, let me know!
* Presentation time is any underquallified teacher's cop out to make a class last longer.